I recently received a text from one of the most amazing people I've ever met, with this question as the conclusion. The text was also pretty amazing, it reads as follows:
"I read your blog the other day on the chick flick subject, It made me laugh. In reality probably a lot of girls, and boys - why the hell not, like those films but cover it up. Then I read the quote from (500)Days of Summer, made me think; there are two choices in life: do the things you want without restrictions, or do the things you think you should be doing. I think I have fallen into this trap, but am doing it badly. In reality I would be quite happy being on my own, instead now I'm going to be someone's parent... wtf. Want to trade lives any time soon? ;) Miss you X"
I don't really agree with blogs of this nature as I like pretending I don't care about anything, but it has really had a profound effect on me. Is life really about doing what we want without restrictions, or about doing what we think we should be doing? Unfortunately I have concluded, yes. I actually actively don't do something because I think I should, because it's the 'right thing to do'. Kant always held that the only way we can be moral agents is for us to comply to a doctrine of duty rather than dogmatic religious or social codes of moral conduct. Duty for duty's sake if you will. Then I also pondered over the words of another highly regarded philosopher, Phoebe Buffay, who claimed that there was no such thing as a selfless act. Ironically I believe in both of these conflicting views, and in my mind they aren't actually mutually exclusive. I hate doing things because I HAVE to, but often do because you'd be very mistaken if you were to think living with your grandma was just a lot of delicious food and and a lot of TV. We have Radio 4 and salads, but my grandma is nearly blind and nearly deaf, she is also the person I care about most in this world. A lot of the time I don't
want to go to the library to get her audio books, or collect her prescriptions, or do the ironing when her back is bad, but I do it because it's my duty. I am obviously also duty bound to eat the delicious food she buys me from M&S to thank me, and I can assure you this has absolutely NOTHING to with what a dutiful granddaughter I am.
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| This is my grandma, Deborah Brewer. She's a wkd champ. |
Anyway my point is, on the whole, I'm a massively selfish being and would definitely bracket myself in the 'live how you want with no restrictions' category, whereas this friend is about to do the most amazing thing but believes they are in the 'do what you think you should be doing' realm. All the facts here are pretty depressing ones, 1. that this person is unhappy with their decision, 2. that I am living my life like this, and 3. that they'd be envious of this. It's easy to think that being able to do what you want is a whole lot of fun, but next year, around the time of my graduation, I will have a 2:2 in a degree I never wanted to read in the first place, and this person will have a child. I know this person too well to know that they'll let being a parent keep them in that bracket forever - they will be an absolutely amazing parent, and while that child will shape their future, it won't be their future. I can honestly say that I believe that my pesky 2:2 in 'combined honours' will be more of a burden than a child will be for this person. That makes me sound really naive; I know it will be hard work, but I have so much faith in you, it's unreal. I'll be there for nappy changing, night shifts so you can get sleep, babysitting and, of course, maintaining my main role of being an utter embarrassment to us. What fun's having friends you can't live vicariously through, ey?
I love you x
