I used to update this loads, mainly to keep in touch with people I now hate, soooooo... It's getting towards to end of the year, so I thought I'd rejoin the self-indulgent blogging community by reassessing the objectives I set out for myself, on here, almost a year ago, and see how I am getting on. Maybe I can see if I can marry Lil Wayne before the year is out? N.b. I wrote this before Justin Bieber came out as a giant homophobe and pro-life douche, so my offer of marriage to him has obviously since been retracted. I'm aware that Lil Wayne is a massive sexist - and wrongly convicted felon - forgive me, sisters, for I have sinned, I still love him.
1. Continue to be a 'non-smoker'.PASS...
2. Actually see how studying works out for me and try and get a 2:1.PASS!!!
3. Start reading.PASS
4. Move away from Wycombe permanently.PASS
5. Find a reasonable boyfriend. I'm totally lying: be single for the rest of my life.PASS
6. Take myself a little more seriously.PASS
7. Become a master cake maker.PASS
8. Meet Lil Wayne.FAIL :(
9. Actually write my book consistently.FAIL
10. Get a job.PASS
11. Quit Tesco :(PASS
12. Stop drunk texting/ tweeting/ Facebooking.PASS
13. Stop thinking I am funny.FAIL
14. Stop thinking it's acceptable to wink at people - I just look like I've got something in my eye.PASS
15. Give up on diets completely.PASS
16. Bomb Stamford Bridge.FAIL
17. Win the lottery so I can action my World Theme Park Tour.FAIL
18. Have 52 burrito weeks.SORT OF
19. Stop dancing in public.FAIL
20. Join a band.PASS
21. Audition for X-Factor... and win.FAIL
22. Date all of One Direction.FAIL
23. Marry Justin Bieber.FAIL
24. Continue hating Gareth Bale. PASS
25. Make friends with my arch-nemesis.FAIL
26. Marry Michael Cera. FAIL
27. Become a little less insufferable.FAIL
28. Learn to text.PASS
29. Appreciate my grandma every single day.PASS
30. Hate Sandi Toksvig a bit more.PASS
31. Start wearing considerably less make-up.PASS (sort of)
32. Avoid karaoke nights.FAIL
33. Pass my driving test. PASS
34. Stop prank calling people.FAIL
35. Grow-up PASS (ish)
Thursday, 3 November 2011
Monday, 4 April 2011
I don't understand what I did wrong except live a life that everyone is jealous of.
- “I have a disease? Bullshit. I cured it with my brain.”
- “Winning, anyone? Rhymes with winning. Anyone? Yeah, that would be us. Sorry, man, didn’t make the rules. Oops!”
- "I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars."
- "You can’t process me with a normal brain."
- “If you borrowed my brain for five seconds, you’d be like, ‘Dude! Can’t handle it, unplug this bastard!’ "It fires in a way that’s maybe not from, uh… this terrestrial realm.”
- "I was banging seven-gram rocks, because that’s how I roll. I have one speed, I have one gear: Go."
- "Can't is the cancer of happening."
- “Wow. What does that mean? I’m bi-WINNING.”
- “I am battle-tested bayonets, bro.”
- “I’m so tired of pretending my life isn’t perfect and bitching and just winning every second and I’m not perfect and bitchin’.”
- “Look what I’m dealing with, man, I’m dealing with fools and trolls.”
- “It’s just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee, because I don’t have time for these clowns.”
- “You have the right to kill me, but you do not have the right to judge me. Boom. That’s the whole movie. That’s life.”
- “I’m sorry man, I got magic and I’ve got poetry in my fingertips, you know, most of the time, and this includes naps."
- "I’m an F-18, bro.”
- “I’m not Thomas Jefferson. He was a pussy.”
- "I am on a drug, it's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body."
- "I'm bi-winning."
- "There’s a new sheriff in town. And he has an army of assassins.”
- "The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards, all of them look like droopy-eyed armless children."
- "The only thing I’m addicted to right now is winning.”
- "I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon. Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words -- imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.
- "[CBS] picked a fight with a warlock."
- "If you’re a part of my family, I will love you violently."
- "Winning."
- "I will not believe that if I do something then I have to follow a certain path because it was written for normal people. People who aren’t special. People who don’t have tiger blood and Adonis DNA."
- "C’mon bro, I won best picture at 20. I wasn’t even trying. I wasn’t even warm."
- "Winning."
- "Bring me Dr. Clown shoes."
Thursday, 13 January 2011
The 'first date' that not even Tom DeLonge could have prepared me for.
Last night I went on the first date I have ever been on. I have had a lot of speculation from friends as to whether this is actually true, but as far as a meeting with someone that has actually been branded a 'date', this was my first. My friend showed me the burrito blog a few months ago, you can find it here to read more. The idea behind the blog is quite brilliant actually. Richard, an Irish man having recently moved to London, won a year's supply of burritos at Chilagos. Rather than eat all 365 of these burritos himself, he decided to take a different girl on a date each week and then post a blog about how the date went. This friend who showed me the blog pestered me to request a burrito date, which I did, not ever thinking that I'd actually end up going on one.
In order to screen the girls applying for burrito dates Richard asked three questions: 1. If the burrito date was our first date, what would we do to mark our year anniversary? 2. Would you rather be on a chat show or be the chat show host? 3. Have you read any good books recently that you could recommend? I won't bore you with my answers, but Richard made contact and said he would arrange a date with me in the New Year. When the time came to be allocated my burrito date I was pretty terrified. I'd never been on a date before, let alone one that would be written about for the world to see. However, I thought at nearly 21 I should attempt to go on a date, with a complete stranger, where it would be documented, what could possibly go wrong, ey?
Nothing actually. I had agreed to meet Richard at the Chilangos restaurant on Upper Street and luckily he was already there when I arrived so I didn't have to spend time worrying about whether or not he was going to turn up. Richard is an attractive guy, plus he is Irish too which I am always a massive fan of. We collected our burritos and sat upstairs. I've always found formal chit-chat where people quiz each other about their life plans a little tedious, and at first I was scared I was boring Richard - who knows, maybe I was - but as we began to talk about music and sport the conversation flowed a little easier. I enjoyed hearing Richard's stories about his friends and family as these are always my favourite topics of conversation. Turns out that while I am a Justin Bieber fan, he once went on holiday with a group of friends posing as The Script and he also goes to Westlife gigs - but blames that one on a friend, I'm not so sure though... My housemate will be delighted to learn that Richard used to have a teddy who wore a Blackburn kit - she has a beautiful bear kitted out in the latest Liverpool strip.
After the burritos Richard suggested that we should go to a gig nearby. I love going to live shows so was pretty keen and I was relieved by this indication that perhaps Richard did not want to escape from me at the earliest opportunity. Richard was the 'perfect gentleman' I suppose. He insisted on paying for everything, which is very kind but always makes me feel a bit uncomfortable. I wasn't on the date for anything free and I hate the idea that men should always pay for everything. I think Richard has quite traditional ideas when it comes to that sort of thing; a few comments throughout the evening made it clear that he has definite ideas of what men and women should and shouldn't be doing. At the pub the gig was being held in Richard shared stories about previous dates: the best and the worst. It was at this point that I admitted my fear of him posting a bad review about me. I originally thought I would wait to post this blog, in case Richard wrote something nasty about me so I could defend myself, but I realised that would be quite pathetic, and make our blogs more like Eamon and Frankie's infamous outpouring of hatred through the medium of song, than honest accounts of our date. Richard asked me how I would react if he wrote a 'nasty' blog about me. I honestly don't think I would do anything. I'd be upset as, above all else, on that date I tried to be myself and completely honest. I said that I'd rather he write nasty things about the person I actually am than the person I was trying to get him to think I was. I still dread to think what he is going to write about me, but que sera sera and all that. Whatever he writes about me cannot be as bad as some of the horror stories he had to tell of previous dates. For his privacy and theirs I won't disclose any of the details, but suffice to say he has not had it easy on some of these dates!
We watched the first band and then watched the headline act for a bit, but I think both Richard and I needed to make tracks and I had a pretty long journey, so he walked me to the station and we said our goodbyes. I honestly had a really great evening although it seemed like we left it quite awkwardly. I suppose that's the bit I hadn't thought about, what happens at the end of the date. Richard contacted me soon after, apologising, but the fault lies with me: I can be quite socially awkward and very shy sometimes.
Just before I went on the date, one of my good friends said to me "Ruth, he will either think you are great or you will be too much for him." I still don't really understand what he meant by that, but I suppose I will have to wait for Richard's verdict. I'd like to keep in touch with Richard although I don't foresee a romantic relationship escalating from this date. I think Richard is very attractive and he is a great person, but he's looking for a girlfriend and I can barely handle myself, let alone someone else. Despite that, more than anything, this date has shown me that, while I don't see myself 'dating' any time soon, I would definitely go on dates with people in future and not feel so scared about doing so.
In order to screen the girls applying for burrito dates Richard asked three questions: 1. If the burrito date was our first date, what would we do to mark our year anniversary? 2. Would you rather be on a chat show or be the chat show host? 3. Have you read any good books recently that you could recommend? I won't bore you with my answers, but Richard made contact and said he would arrange a date with me in the New Year. When the time came to be allocated my burrito date I was pretty terrified. I'd never been on a date before, let alone one that would be written about for the world to see. However, I thought at nearly 21 I should attempt to go on a date, with a complete stranger, where it would be documented, what could possibly go wrong, ey?
Nothing actually. I had agreed to meet Richard at the Chilangos restaurant on Upper Street and luckily he was already there when I arrived so I didn't have to spend time worrying about whether or not he was going to turn up. Richard is an attractive guy, plus he is Irish too which I am always a massive fan of. We collected our burritos and sat upstairs. I've always found formal chit-chat where people quiz each other about their life plans a little tedious, and at first I was scared I was boring Richard - who knows, maybe I was - but as we began to talk about music and sport the conversation flowed a little easier. I enjoyed hearing Richard's stories about his friends and family as these are always my favourite topics of conversation. Turns out that while I am a Justin Bieber fan, he once went on holiday with a group of friends posing as The Script and he also goes to Westlife gigs - but blames that one on a friend, I'm not so sure though... My housemate will be delighted to learn that Richard used to have a teddy who wore a Blackburn kit - she has a beautiful bear kitted out in the latest Liverpool strip.
After the burritos Richard suggested that we should go to a gig nearby. I love going to live shows so was pretty keen and I was relieved by this indication that perhaps Richard did not want to escape from me at the earliest opportunity. Richard was the 'perfect gentleman' I suppose. He insisted on paying for everything, which is very kind but always makes me feel a bit uncomfortable. I wasn't on the date for anything free and I hate the idea that men should always pay for everything. I think Richard has quite traditional ideas when it comes to that sort of thing; a few comments throughout the evening made it clear that he has definite ideas of what men and women should and shouldn't be doing. At the pub the gig was being held in Richard shared stories about previous dates: the best and the worst. It was at this point that I admitted my fear of him posting a bad review about me. I originally thought I would wait to post this blog, in case Richard wrote something nasty about me so I could defend myself, but I realised that would be quite pathetic, and make our blogs more like Eamon and Frankie's infamous outpouring of hatred through the medium of song, than honest accounts of our date. Richard asked me how I would react if he wrote a 'nasty' blog about me. I honestly don't think I would do anything. I'd be upset as, above all else, on that date I tried to be myself and completely honest. I said that I'd rather he write nasty things about the person I actually am than the person I was trying to get him to think I was. I still dread to think what he is going to write about me, but que sera sera and all that. Whatever he writes about me cannot be as bad as some of the horror stories he had to tell of previous dates. For his privacy and theirs I won't disclose any of the details, but suffice to say he has not had it easy on some of these dates!
We watched the first band and then watched the headline act for a bit, but I think both Richard and I needed to make tracks and I had a pretty long journey, so he walked me to the station and we said our goodbyes. I honestly had a really great evening although it seemed like we left it quite awkwardly. I suppose that's the bit I hadn't thought about, what happens at the end of the date. Richard contacted me soon after, apologising, but the fault lies with me: I can be quite socially awkward and very shy sometimes.
Just before I went on the date, one of my good friends said to me "Ruth, he will either think you are great or you will be too much for him." I still don't really understand what he meant by that, but I suppose I will have to wait for Richard's verdict. I'd like to keep in touch with Richard although I don't foresee a romantic relationship escalating from this date. I think Richard is very attractive and he is a great person, but he's looking for a girlfriend and I can barely handle myself, let alone someone else. Despite that, more than anything, this date has shown me that, while I don't see myself 'dating' any time soon, I would definitely go on dates with people in future and not feel so scared about doing so.
Tuesday, 11 January 2011
Wednesday, 5 January 2011
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